This book is an exploration as to why men do not go to church and remain the least evangelised section of society. The book is not a bible exposition but a look at the statistics and the reasons that men do not a) go to church b) become followers of Jesus and c) often leave church after they are saved.
The book pulls no punches and sets out men as they really are not as we would necessarily want them to be. Some of the thing contained in it will upset the female readers as I dare say people will shout and fling it across the room.
The book is based around the United States church scene but also draws on Europe and the rest of the world when looking at statistics and figures, of which there are many.
Such statistics as
- Women outnumber men 2 to 1 in most congregations
- When a mother comes to faith in Christ the rest of her family follows 17% of the time. If the father comes the family follows 93% of the time.
- Women say 15000 – 20000 words a day a man will say 7000 – 15000 men do not communicate through words
The main thrust of the book is that the western church is feminised, meaning it is aimed at and for women. A couple of examples of this are:-
- Worship songs have become love songs to Jesus – Men struggle to singing love songs to anyone let along a guy. Jesus lover of my soul compared to say Onward Christian Soldiers
- Most sermons are 30 – 40 minute lectures where the congregation are talked at – Men do not learn from lectures they learn far better from demonstrations and visual. Where as women clove spoken communication.
The book then looks at what steps need to be taken to make a church a man friendly church. It offers advice such as
- Take up a discipleship model instead of an academic model. Here the emphasis is on father – son relations ships or Lieutenant Platoon structure where men learn from a father figure and support on another, rather an academic model where we are taught from the front with lengthy lectures.
- Challenge men to do great things, give them missions. Set the standard high and the task hard. Men love to be challenged.
- Remember that men often need a smack on the arm rather than an arm around the shoulder in the way of encouragement.
- Make the ministry to men in the church a top priority.
To sum up, a great book and one that will make you think. I would recommend it to any lady out there who wants to see her husband saved or for anyone who is concerned about the gender gap in churches across our country.
Sounds like a good book making a sound point, will have to look out for it…
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… and look forward to seeing some positive changes this way in our Church Al
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lol your not the only one Jock. Father has been talking to me about it and I am musing on some things which we could do.
I have a copy (obviously) so you can borrow it if you want to.
What you’ve stated here is quite true. American churches have indeed been feminized. Not to say “feminizing” is always bad, but in this case it has diluted the traditional/Biblical concept of the masculine nature of God/Christ and made services too “touchy feely”. Interesting how this has happened in protestant churches but the Catholic Mass has remained strongly and traditionally masculine in nature.
How would you make ministry to men top priority?
Deacon boards are predominantly men, Pastors are the same generally they are men, Teachers , Evangelists , Apostle , and Teachers are men in the majority of cases.
Elder boards are men.The majority of the girlie love songs to Jesus are written by men.
Do you need percentages of male to female church leadership or have you never noticed?
If we pastor as Jesus did, which was to have intimate relationships with his disciples where they could ask what he meant in a sermon later, we would see that women are rarely pastored at all. Why would a majority of male leaders choose girlie worship, girlie sermons and passive observation instead of participation?
Have you ever heard of a ballet party at church where the entire congregation watches The Nutcracker? We have Superbowl parties. I am not really interested in sports and I guess some women are but this is just another example of where you are deceived.
If you visit a pastor for counsel, the door must be open at all times. This is in spite of the fact that many men struggle with homosexuality. It would seem just as prudent to keep the door open for man to man conferences.I don’t know about you but I don’t really want to pour my heart out to the pastor and his office secretary and whoever else walks in.
In most churches women teach the children and this position is rarely a paid position.
The message is clear to women. This organization is run by men and you will be suspected of harboring a Jezebel spirit if you do anything except sit on your hands or serve coffee for funerals.
Check the facts.
I also am bored by long sermons and the last time I checked I am a woman. I want to be challenged. I am bored with women’s groups that focus on baking tips and recipes. I love to bake . I love to cook and I am all for the Titus woman who teaches the younger women to love their husbands etc. This is not a gender issue.
If the church is feminine , it is not because women are running the show. Male deacon boards, male pastors and youth pastors are choosing the agendas.
It may be that women have more of a need for Jesus and are simply more sensitive to spiritual concerns.
Sandra
I agree with you that typically the leadership of the church is male, however that is rapidly changing especially in the UK (where I am based so I cannot speak about the US church) where the main denominations of the church have more women in training as church leaders than men. Already the percentage of female leaders in these church streams is growing rapidly and will in the next 10 – 15 years mean that there are more female leaders than men.
In the non – denominational churches the ratio is different with far more men than women in fulltime ‘leadership’. This is especially true where churches hold to the teaching in Timothy about men only eldership. However again in the UK I would say that even in these streams (of which I am one) the split in deacon or leadership of individual ministries is about 50/50. Although this is not the case in all streams of course.
As to the worship songs currently being written, I would say that they are a byproduct of the general feminization of the church as a whole. The guys who are writing the current worship songs have grown up in or have been saved into the modern church with its influence on relationship and intimacy which are both ‘feminine’ drivers. If you look at songs from the 1750 – 1900 there are a lot more songs that are ‘masculine’, song about being soldiers for Christ, of marching, warfare, strength, steadfastness etc. The point is that neither is better than the other just that the balance is currently skewed in the feminine side of the equation. Speaking as a man I do find it difficult to sing some of the modern songs, for example about being “more intimate than lovers” to Jesus. It is not something I would very easily say to my wife let alone a bearded Godman.
I do not really understand your point about “If we pastor as Jesus did, which was to have intimate relationships with his disciples where they could ask what he meant in a sermon later, we would see that women are rarely pastored at all”. Can you please provide me with some clarity to that and I will answer it.
Your question “Why would a majority of male leaders choose girlie worship, girlie sermons and passive observation instead of participation?” is an interesting point. I would ask you who the pastor’s prime audience is. In most churches the gender split is between 65% and 70% female. Also a lot of these pastors have grown up in the current feminized western church.
We don’t really have those sorts of “whole church” parties here in the UK so I cannot comment. In my church we do events aimed at women and men separately and a huge number that would be aimed at both. However according to some statistics I read some time ago there is an average of 3 – 4 ministries aimed at women to every 1 aimed at men. This of course is due to the imbalance of the genders of the congregation. Also the reason is the devastating effect men leave on women when they do not treat them as sisters or wives like the bible instructs us.
The idea of making my wife sit down and watch the FA Cup final (the closest thing to your superbowl in the UK) is laughable she hates it!
Again I do not think I am deceived, like you I only see what is in front of me.
I understand what you say about the pastor issues but in my church the men pastor the men and the women pastor the women. However that does not go beyond what you saying about homosexuality which I admit I had never considered.
Again my experience is different to yours Sandra when it comes to kid’s ministry, again they are rarely paid but I see a good equal mix of men and women working in our children’s ministry. Although I do know a number of churches that have full time paid youth / kids ministry team members and again they are a mix of male and female.
Reading your comments about the Jezebel spirit I have never heard this said in any church I have been part of. Again I cannot agree with your statement about women only being allowed to serve coffee or work with the kids. In our church we have female worship leaders, small group leaders, mission leaders, finance leader, buildings manager, youth team leader, student leaders, preachers, teachers, pastoral leaders, councilors etc.
I also know of a number of churches that are the same. I think your view on this is skewed due to your experience.
It sounds like your women’s ministry is a trifle dull, ours does not do that sort of thing but looks at issues / prayer / ministry and a number of other areas and service.
All this is under an exclusively male eldership team who give women the same freedom as men.
I agree with you that the feminization of the church is down to the male leaders of the church over the half century. However I would say that it is probably down to wanting to serve the churches they were in which were predominantly female. They have catered for their regular customers and forgotten about their mission.
Unfortunately in the UK this is now being sped up by the number of female leaders in the church which have left many men feeling the church is even more feminine than it was and that they have no place in it. The percentage of men in those denominations in particular is changing to 70% – 80% female.
This means that the Gospel is not being given to all people as men in the west (or at least the UK) are often missed out. In particular this is true for working / lower class men.
I STRONGLY disagree with you that women have more of a need for Jesus than men; all people need Jesus to the same degree!
Are women more sensitive to spiritual concerns? Again I have to disagree they may find / look at them differently but they are neither more nor less sensitive to spiritual things than men.
Sandra can I recommend you read the book it is far better at putting these points across and it is full of statistics for the US church where my experience is solely in the UK. By the sounds of it you have had a terrible time at the hands of some male leadership. Personally I would not be part of a church that treat women like that and would move to a different one.
In love
Beatthedrum